Book: The Art of Gathering

On etiquette and rules by Priya Parker:

“There is no doubt that etiquette has a certain value”

“These positive features of etiquette work particularly well in stable, closed, homogeneous groups. When like gathers with like, etiquette often does its work so well that no one notices its presence”

“The problem is that more and more of us do not live in closed circles of like-minded, similarly raised people”

“The rise of pop-up rules can be better understood against this backdrop. It is no accident that rules-based gatherings are emerging as modern life does away with monocultures and closed circles of the similar.”

“The etiquette approach to life is also imperious. It is the opposite of humble. It shows minimal interest in how different cultures or regions do things. It upholds a gold standard of behavior as the only acceptable one for people who wish to be seen as refined”

“A third feature of the etiquette approach is exclusion. The value system behind etiquette is aristocratic”

“If etiquette is about sustaining unchanging norms, pop-up rules are about trying stuff out”

“If etiquette is about the One Right Way, pop-up rules make no such claims”

“Etiquette allows people to gather because they are the same. Pop-up rules allow people to gather because they are different—yet open to having the same experience”

— Excerpt From (the wonderful) The Art of Gathering, Priya Parker